My brother-in-law’s father passed away in November. When his mom passed about 6 years earlier, my mom told me not to come down. So, this time, I decided I was going to come down to support my brother-in-law and sister, no matter what my mom said.
Nobody likes funerals, but through my experience, I especially don’t like Filipino funerals, or should I say, the “aftermath” of Filipino funerals.
After all the tears have been shed, noses have been wiped and the dearly departed have been laid to rest, the “party” begins. And with the party comes the chismis (gossip).
What the?
After the funeral, there was a reception at Chinese buffet restaurant. I looked around and could just imagine what kinds of conversations were going on about the person we were now (dis)honoring.
I had taken my parents to the funeral and reception, and before we left, we went to say goodbye to my sister. There was an exchange between my mom and my sister; my sister basically said, “I have gossip about Henry’s (my brother-in-law) dad, but I’ll tell you later.” Not many things make my mom’s eyes lighten up, but chismis is ALWAYS a sure thing.
Fast forward to Christmas day. After stuffing our tummies with mom’s lumpia and pancit, it was “Chismis about Henry’s Dad” time. All of this was occurring in front of my brother-in-law, mind you. My sister happily rattled off some gems, complete with pictures.
Yes, the gossip was juicy, because hey, I guess it’s that Filipino part of me that enjoys “being in the know.” But at the same time, I felt AWFUL for my brother-in-law. His father passed just before Thanksgiving, and now he was sitting here on Christmas, listening to the gossip about his father’s “secret life.”
He is a very nice and laid back guy, and he even said he was OK with my sister relaying the 411 to my mom. However, it’s gotta be painful, right?
What is it about chismis that brings Filipino families together? Is it because our families are infinitely large that it would be too difficult to catch up by speaking to every single person?
And chismis about the dead? I know you can’t slander the dead, but they also cannot defend themselves. Can’t the chismis just die with them? Aren’t we supposed to celebrate the good things they did in life rather than talk schmack after they die?
I guess I’m apprehensive because I think of my own parents’ mortality. What will I find out later? And if there is anything, how will I feel? Would I have a right to feel angry if unsavory details emerged?
These are just some things I hope to never have to think about.
Commentary (1)
Comments
I don’t think chismis or gossiping is specific to Filipinos but a behavior common to all people because they want to avoid being asked about their own lives and being judged so the people who aren’t present are the usual target.
On being afraid of what you’re going to learn about your parents? At some point, we need to learn to accept our parents as just regular human beings. They do not need to be perfect or have an unblemished past to make us feel secure.
Flag this